It takes time to find harmony again. To think of the past. To think of the future. And to find a balance today here and now. Old memories need to unite with future memories to be. I have a day off and today I am lazy and rest at home. Soon I will go running. Not so fast, but enough so I will increase the pulse and let my heart work. Later this afternoon I will see a friend from Uppsala during university studies. I have always been interested in international relations and that is how we met. We were both active in the international student organizations for pharmacy students.
It is difficult to be happy, but I try to cheer myself up. It is better to be happy than sad. But loosing a family member is very emotional. Sharing this photo, and I hope it will spread some joy this Friday.
First of May. A little rainy in Stockholm. I have a day off and I have been doing some exercise this evening. When big life changes occurs it is good to have routines. Training has helped me a lot during this time. I miss my mother and I think of her every day. I suppose that is why I do a lot of cooking these days. She actually went to school to learn how to take care of a home. The other day, I learnt that there still are these kind of schools in Germany. I don’t know if they exist in Sweden any longer. This evening I will make some pasties. I remember that I made them once when I was little. Childhood memories returns.
My mother had a graceful and simple funeral. It feels good to remember that very sad day as a beautiful memory. It was very strange the day after her funeral, because I felt very strongly that she needed a candle (lantern) on her grave. So she wouldn’t be alone. A friend of mine told me that it is a tradition to have a candle 40 days after the funeral according to the Orthodox church. To help the spirit of the person who has passed away to find the way to the new home. There is definitely something about the holy spirit. When I told my father this, he sad “No Anna, we don’t belong to the Orthodox church, we are Protestants”.
I am not religous, but since I am grown up in the countryside the church is rather important. I like traditions, but not more than that. I show respect to every kind of religion and I think it is important with traditions. Soon I hope my inspiration to write will return. The latests months have been tough.
I wish this day would have been 48 hours. Time has disappeared, and so has my mother. Passed from time. A day totally devoted to my mother. Writing has become a part of my life. I thought I should not write at first, but then, it is good to share my thoughts, and also to share the memory of my mother. My sweetie could not attend the funeral, but early this morning we found some thimbleweed and we made my mother a bouquet of flowers. We said goodbye to my mother before the funeral when the car came to our house. My mother has always had dogs so it was a beautiful moment when we put the flowers on her coffin. And very sad.
My father sang “Panis Angelicus” for my mother. I wish to thank everybody who attended the funeral today, and I hope that we can keep a good memory of my mother. I miss her dearly. It will be empty.
I am not doing much since my thoughts are with my mother. Mostly I remember her cooking and bakery. I try to remember good things, and I need these days to continue life. It is important to slow down for a moment and reflect. In a few days I will go to the countryside for my mothers funeral. I suppose spring has already arrived, so I share this photo from the past with wood anemones. From the buttercup family – Ranunculaceae.
Pascha. Words are fascinating. To find the origins of words. My life is currently a little calmer due to the mourning of my mother. Therefore, I don’t spend much time thinking of my writing. It is easter time now and it has been a rather calm day. I am working this weekend, so this evening I am resting at home, and thinking a little of the past. I have followed the news in Paris, and I found the photo below when browsing my old photos. I thought of a previous journey I made, to Cuba. My Spanish was/is lousy, but I met a lot of people that I talked to. I remember I had to wait for a bus during a whole day in a little village in the countryside. I didn’t have much to do so I strolled around, and by coincidence I found a family who had a coffee shop. It was time for a stop so I stayed there and had an espresso. After about 15 minutes, they showed me a little puppy. The puppy ran a lot and they chased it. It got tired, and the woman in the family lifted the puppy and asked me to hold it. It was so tiny and cute. We could not talk, but I saw that they smiled, so I smiled as well.
When I returned to Sweden, my family found “Lady” (jack russell terrier) to my mother. Maybe it is not that scientific, but it has been shown that dogs help to hamper the development of memory diseases. She has helped a lot, a lot, and she really is a family member. With a great personality. My father is very sad, and I will see if I will by him a dachshund puppy. His father had a dachshund. It is getting warmer, and spring has arrived, I share this photo with you from my private photo album. A taste of spring.